After my harrowing Jimmy John's experience last week, I am delighted to report that today's Jimmy John's experience warranted the coveted A+ Grumpy Old Man seal of approval. My perfect lunch awaited me at Bakery Square containing a straw, napkins, pre-filled Coke, Jimmy pepper loaded Little John ham & cheese and delicious salt & vinegar chips. I'll just have to come up with something else today to piss me off.

Forget about COVID, the West Coast on fire, police brutality, and whatever it is you-know-who is tweeting today -  I had a near tragic calamity of the highest order today. I placed my Jimmy John's order (BLT Little John special) promptly at 1:15 and strolled over to Bakery Square to pick it up, whereupon I was informed that no order had been received from yours truly! I started to have palpitations and perspire profusely which, being a physician, I promptly recognized as symptoms of Jimmy John withdrawal disorder. What was I to do? I suppose I could have just placed another order at Bakery Square while I was there and waited a couple of minutes for the order but, believe it or not, this never even occurred to me because, first and foremost, I am huge cheapskate. You see, I had already paid for my online order and there was no way I was going to forfeit that $6.42 forever to Jimmy John's Franchise LLC. So I ran home and checked my receipt and, lo and behold, I had stupidly ordered my Little John special from the Squirrel Hill Jimmy John's! I then hopped into my Volvo and exceeded every posted speed limit on the way to Forbes Avenue, nearly hitting several innocent women and children on the way there. Imagine my relief when I spied my BLT, chips and 22 oz. Coke waiting for me on the counter, like the Holy Grail at the end of Sir Galahad's quest! Soon my withdrawal symptoms abated and I gave myself a self-congratulatory pat on the back for overcoming seemingly overwhelming odds in order to solve yet another incredibly formidable First World problem.

Bakery Square Jimmy John's gets a B minus today. Again they did not pre-fill my Coke and they forgot the napkins. In addition, I think they short-changed me on the Jimmy peppers, in that my mouth was not in its typical state of being on fire after consuming my Little John.

On another note, I think the US Census  might be in trouble. I say this because I dutifully filled out my census form on-line on 3/21/20 and I have the receipt to prove it. Since then, I have had 3 Census employees ring my doorbell asking me to enroll in the US Census. I even gave the first one a copy of my receipt but they still keep coming back for more. So if the final Census comes back with 15 billion people residing in Allegheny County, you'll know the reason why.

Well, it's only been about 11 years since my last post, but that doesn't mean that I'm not still pissed off. Although I must admit that at times I sounded like a raving lunatic when I look back on some previous rants. At any rate, for today's post I'm really not all that pissed off. Let's just say that I'm a combination of mildly annoyed and somewhat bemused.

That's because I have a confession to make. I am addicted to Jimmy John's. Yes, you heard it here first. At first I was scornful of such an unsophisticated eatery, whose only claim to fame was ridiculously fast delivery. But then a franchise opened up at Bakery Square, very close to the Grumpy Old Man's place of residence. First I tried their BLT and found it to be quite tasty, especially when complemented by their unbelievably delicious salt and vinegar potato chips. Then I discovered the truly addictive add-on, the JIMMY PEPPERS!!!! I swear to God, these spicy treats must be laced with fentanyl, because I cannot get enough of them! The only problem was that I found that a combo meal of a sandwich, chips and a Coke was altogether too filling for my aging stomach. Whereupon the geniuses at Jimmy John's came up with the perfect solution for my satiety problem - the LITTLE JOHN!!!!! This is a "skinny mini version of any original sandwich," according to Jimmy John's, and who am I to doubt them. Now I can get a right-sized BLT with extra Jimmy peppers, salt and vinegar chips, and a 22 oz. Coke, all for six bucks!!! Plus, I can place my order on-line and by the time I walk over to Jimmy John's (about a half mile), it's waiting for me to pick up! Then I eat it outside on a bench across the street. It's perfection!!

However (and there's always a however), my one complaint about the Bakery Square Jimmy John's is that they are somewhat inconsistent in how they prepare my lunch to go. Ideally, every order should contain my Little John, my chips, napkins, a straw, and my cup, pre-filled with ice and Coke. I like them to pre-fill it because this minimizes my potential COVID-19 exposure within the store itself. So henceforward, I will be keeping track of how often the Bakery Square Jimmy John's achieves a perfect grade. Today they did not pre-fill my Coke and they forgot the napkins, forcing me to unnecessarily expose myself to aerosolized viral particles for approximately 2 minutes. I'll give them a B. But I'm still addicted.