NEW BLOG!!!

My readers have evidently turned on me and demanded new material. So if you're tired of hearing about my complaints about making change, crappy muffins, and waiting in line behind thoughtless jerks, check out http://bobsblogaboutnothing.blogspot.com!

Time to start ranting again

Wow! I don't know if it's the onset of cold weather or what, but I've had a trifecta of merchant interactions recently that really pissed me off. Of course, to most of the residents of our planet, these transgressions would have been meaningless and trivial to the extreme, but to Grumpy Old Man, they were priceless reminders of how truly cheap and irritable I can be.

The most curious encounter was at Einstein's. I think I ordered some coffee and a bagel and the price came to $3.59. I gave the cashier $3.60 and here's where it got really weird. You know the tray next to the cash register where you can take a penny if you need one to pay? Well, the cashier took a penny from the tray, and then she promptly deposited it into her cash register! She basically took the penny she owed me and kept it. It was just too strange for me to comment on at the time. I just shook my head and left.

The I went to Rite-Aid to buy an envelope which cost $1.49, according to the tag on the merchandise. However, when I went to check out, it rung up at $1.59. When I complained, they wouldn't even sell it to me for $1.49. I could either pay the $1.59 or return it for a refund. They should have given it to me for free.

Then I went to Giant Eagle for a muffin and a coffee. So I placed the muffin on the counter and the cashier rings me up without even asking if I wanted anything else. I hate when that happens!

Anyway, I'm riled up now, so I should have some more rants in the near future.

Public Enemy #1 (at CC)

I think I may have worn out my welcome at Caribou Coffee. I ordered a muffin this morning. I usually like to have a little butter on my muffin but I know Caribou Coffee doesn't have butter so I ask for a little container of cream cheese, which I know they have. Only it turns out that this tiny little container of cream cheese costs 50 cents! Can you imagine? I think I may have told the checkout person that I was going to report them to the Department of Commerce or some such nonsense and then I told them to take their crummy cream cheese and shove it! Needless to say, I think I may be banned for life from this particular Caribou Coffee.

Which brings me to my next point. Why can't the places that serve iced coffee serve any decent breakfast accompaniments? The places in Oakland (Starbucks and Caribou Coffee) have terrible rolls, doughnuts, and pastries. And Panera doesn't have iced coffee! There is no doubt about it - we need a Dunkin Donuts in Oakland in the worst way.

I can't take it anymore

Please, no more interviews of the athletes at the Olympics. I love watching these amazing competitors but why do I have to be subjected to these idiotic cliche-filled interviews? And the next reporter who asks an athlete the "what was going through your mind" question should be thrown in the pool and pummelled senseless by the Croatian water polo team.

I actually wouldn't mind if the interviewers asked the athletes questions that weren't related to sports. Let's see what Michael Phelps thinks about hyperinflation in Zimbabwe. Now that, at least, would be entertaining.

Overkill

Without a doubt, the most overdone information campaign I have ever seen in my life is the one alerting folks about the conversion of over the air television signals from analog to digital in February, 2009.

First of all, it is unnnecessary. I don't know anybody who still uses an antenna to watch TV, do you? I'm sure there still are a few million folks out there who don't have cable yet, but I have a feeling that even if their TV signal was to disappear in February, 2009 without any advance warning, they wouldn't be all that upset. I mean, they're only getting a few channels now as it is, so what's the big deal? They'd get around to figuring out what was going on sooner or later all by themselves. And then they could go out and get a converter. Why do the rest of us have to be blasted with announcements for an entire year that a few people will lose their precious over the air signal? It makes no sense!

Secondly, I can see that the cable companies are exploiting this situation and misinforming their customers. Even though you will still be able to get analog signals through your cable company for at least a few more years, Comcast is not including this information in their sales pitch for upgrading to digital cable. They are sneakily (and correctly) assuming that most customers will not be aware that the cessation of analog transmission only applies to over the air signals.

I don't know which is worse - these antenna TV warnings or the political ads. Maybe I should be happy with the talking animal ads.

Branching Out

I have decided that senile rants on crappy customer service might be getting a little tiresome, so I will henceforth be branching out on other blogworthy subjects.

As you know, we are very much a copycat nation, with everyone copying the latest trends regarding everything from handbags to automobiles. This occurred to me while watching TV, as it struck me that commercials on televison now almost always fall into one of two categories. The first category is the commercial that makes no sense and leaves you wondering, "what the heck was that all about and what does it have to do with the product they want us to buy?" The second category is the commercial featuring talking animals, which is definitely the new rage. In fact, I predict that before long every single commercial will feature a talking animal and will make no sense.

Starbucks Misadventure #1

After my morning bike ride to work in Oakland, I usually stop at Caribou Coffee for a coffee and a little bite to eat. I prefer Caribou over Starbucks because 1) they have better air conditioning at Caribou, 2) it's usually less crowded at Caribou, and 3) I just hate Starbucks. Unfortunately, for some reason the line at Caribou was really long this morning so I headed over to the Starbucks across the street. Sure enough, the air conditioning was tepid. And wouldn't you know, they totally forgot my iced coffee order. I think the baristas are so focused on the fancy half caf mocha choca ya-ya drinks (sorry - I am plagiarizing from a Jerry Seinfeld routine), that when a simple iced coffee is ordered, it just doesn't register. And also pissing me off was the fact that an iced coffee, pastry, and newspaper at Starbucks cost about $1.50 more than at Caribou!

Starbucks Misadventure #2

I normally avoid Starbucks like the plague, but while in Somerset recently I had an uncontrollable urge for iced coffee, so I was forced to pay a visit. There's one in Somerset right off the turnpike exit. So I walk in and I notice that they have no prices posted for either hot coffee or iced coffee. When I bring this to their attention, they just say that they only put up the signs with the items and prices that Starbucks Central ships to them. This I figure is just a lame excuse for laziness or inattention to detail, or both, so my visit is not getting off to a promising start.

I then order my grande iced coffee and they ask me the usual (sweetened or unsweetened, room for cream?). I answer unsweetened and room for cream, please. So when I get my beverage, they have already added the cream! I mean what is this, Dunkin Donuts? They seemed to be totally nonplussed (I always have wanted to use that word) when I told them they're not supposed to put the cream in. Anyway, if you happen to visit the Starbucks in Somerset, PA be prepared for some surprises.

Customer Service From Hell

My kids are currently travelling in Australia. Before they left, we went through great pains to make sure they had cell phone service while abroad. Supposedly, this is a piece of cake when you activate the international roaming service through AT&T wireless. It's probably a bit more expensive than other alternatives, but the simplicity of it all made it very attractive. So we activated the international roaming service before the trip expecting everything to go smoothly. Boy, was I wrong!

My daughter calls me from Australia from a landline to tell me that her phone doesn't work. So I call AT&T customer service and this is the comedy of errors that ensued:

Customer Service Agent #1 - She tells me that the international roaming service should be in effect on the phone and she doesn't know why it doesn't work. But she does give me another number to call that specifically addresses international phone service.

Customer Service Agent #2 - She tells me that the international roaming service somehow did not register to the phone when it was initially ordered. The solution is to discontinue the service and then reinstate it. However, she cannot do this so she has to transfer me to another agent.

Customer Service Agent #3 - She tells me that she cannot do what Customer Agent #2 wanted her to do because my phone service is technically on a business plan and she cannot handle any service on a business plan. So she transfers me to -

Customer Service Agent #4 - This idiot tells me that my daughter's phone won't work in Australia because it doesn't have the proper bandwidth. I know this is wrong because every previous agent has checked this and said that the phone should work fine. I walk him through the AT&T website location where you can check to see if your phone will work overseas and I actually have to convince him that the phone is not the problem. Then he goes ahead and does what Customer Service moron #2 had initially recommended.

So after all this, I am dubious that my daughter's cell phone will ever get any service in Australia. My favorite piece of advice I kept getting from all of the agents was to have my daughter call this great toll-free customer service number from her cell phone so AT&T could troubleshoot the problem. I had to point out to them that she can't call the customer service number because the phone doesn't get any service!

Money Changing Woes Continue

It happened again today. My bagel and coffee cost $4.04. I gave the cashier $10.10. He gave me six dollar bills in return. I politely advised him that he still owed me six cents change. He was totally confused. Finally he gave me back a dime.

This is really starting to get worrisome. I really think it is an indictment of our educational system. All of the cashiers I've encountered recently that don't know how to make change are young. Unfortunately for them (and me), they are using cash registers where the change is not calculated automatically so they have to do it in their head and they are obviously not up to the task. At some places the cashier enters the amount of cash submitted by the customer and the register figures out the change automatically, so it's almost impossible for the cashier to screw up, but I'm sure they'll figure out a way eventually. Maybe I'll just go cashless and use my credit card for everything, but I really don't like using plastic for small transactions. It tends to make my credit card bill as long as War and Peace.

Land of the Challenged Money Changers

Didn't Jesus go berserk when the money changers pissed him off? Well, I was almost tempted to pull a comparable tantrum when I last visited Starbucks. I was charged $4.07 for a coffee and apple fritter. By the way, can't Starbucks get some decent pastries? Those things really suck! But I digress.

I gave the sweet young thing behind the counter $4.27 and she gives me a dollar bill as change. When I patiently explained to her that she owed me twenty cents, she looked at me like I was from outer space. Finally, a co-worker had to come by to instruct her on the finer points of making change. I think the trend towards using debit or credit cards for all transactions these days, no matter how tiny, has nothing to do with speed or convenience. It's because no one knows how to make change anymore!

Oh Joy in Muffin Land!

I know you're probably sick of my search for the perfect muffin, but I couldn't help myself because all is well in Muffin Land. Yes, the Giant Eagle on Centre Avenue finally got its act together and has a cart dedicated to muffins and bagels with everything clearly labeled. So today I hade a delicious raisin bran muffin and made up with the staff I have been terrorizing since they downsized their muffin selection a few weeks ago.

Don't Mess With the Muffin Man

I almost lost it at the Giant Eagle this morning. I decided to give them another chance despite the fact that they have downsized their muffin selection. So I go up to the bakery and was again disappointed that they didn't have any of their scrumptious raisin bran muffins. However, they did have some decent looking "good morning" muffins so I picked up one of those and went to get a cup of coffee and then pay for my breakfast at the coffee shop. Lo and behold, they had a solitary raisin bran muffin in a tray right next to the cash register. So I asked if I could exchange my crappy "good morning" muffin for their delicious raisin bran muffin and I was refused, since I had already touched the aforementioned "good morning" muffin. Yes, as my leprous, plague-riddled hands had touched their precious muffin, it was no longer fit for human consumption by anyone other than yours truly.

I was so pissed off that I really wanted to throw that muffin right in the checkout person's face. However, I resisted that temptation for fear of the headline I was visualizing in next day's newspaper - "Deranged Man Arrested for Assault With a Deadly Muffin".

All Drivers Suck (Except Me, Of Course)

I've often dreamed about having this car accessory. It would be a big flashing neon sign on top of my roof that I could activate with various messages for the purpose of communicating with my fellow drivers. It would be much more effective than my usual mode of communication (flipping the bird) as the messages conveyed would be specifically tailored to the transgression being committed. A sampling of these messages are as follows (caution - may contain language not suitable for children as well as my parents):

1. GET OUT OF THE PASSING LANE, DICKHEAD!!
2. USE YOUR DIRECTIONAL SIGNALS, MORON!!
3. STOP TAILGATING ME, ASSHOLE!!
4. NO STOPPING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, JAGOFF!!

That last epithet is one that's unique to Pittsburgh, for you out-of-towners.

Pissed Off Pittsburgher Pennsylvania Primary Post

How's that for alliteration? Anyway, I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I'd chime in with some thoughts on our primary. I believe the fellow who came up with the phrase, "be careful what you wish for," must have had the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania in mind. We have been moaning forever about how our primary comes too late in the season to mean anything. Well, we finally got our chance to stand up and be counted and let me tell you something. The entire experience can be summed up in one word: BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The candidates are predictable, their sycophantic supporters are predictable, the media is predictable, and the voters are predictable too, especially here in Western Pennsylvania. I would recommend that the next time we have a meaningful primary here that the outcome be based on one of those steel cage ultimate fighting death matches between the 2 candidates. Now that's something I might be able to get excited about.

Starbucks Musings

I have this thing for Starbucks iced coffee. I don't like their hot coffee (too acidic) but their iced coffee hits the spot. So the other day I went to Starbucks in Bloomfield and I get stuck waiting behind someone who actually had a list of coffee drinks for herself and about 6 buddies, and each drink order was the usual incredibly complicated hodgepodge of extra shots, special flavors, and just the right amount of foam. Fortunately, there are Starbucks about every mile or so in the city, so I went to the next Starbucks down the street and got my iced coffee in less time than I would have spent had I waited in the previous Starbucks.

Anyway, Starbucks supposedly has a new hot coffee that won't erode the lining of your stomach so I'll have to give that a try some day. Actually, this idea of theirs could backfire, since I think the reason people order the expensive coffee drinks is that their regular coffee is so bitter. So they may get more traffic in the stores if the new coffee is decent, but folks will be less likely to get ripped off ordering their fancy lattes and machiattos.

Muffin Misery

Pittsburgh is a lousy muffin town. By this I mean that it is hard to find a vendor here with a nice variety of muffins, and all clearly labeled so you know what the heck you're buying. Particularly hard to find is a good raisin bran muffin. I finally thought I had found muffin Nirvana at the Giant Eagle Marketplace in Shadyside so I had been going there about once a week on the way to work for the past month. So today I go to Giant Eagle and now they have fewer muffins to choose from and they decided it was too much effort to label them all. And wouldn't you know it, my favorite raisin bran muffin in all of Western Pennsylvania seems to have been banished to muffin heaven! Someone out there has a muffin vendetta against me!

Elevator Etiquette

I either feel pissed of or guilty when taking an elevator for the following reasons. I always feel pissed off when I am in the elevator waiting to take off and another party is holding the elevator waiting for some associates to get on. On the other hand, I feel a little guilty when I am in the elevator and I see someone down the hall who is obviously heading for the elevator but I just don't feel like waiting another few seconds to let him/her on so I press the "close door" button and get the hell outa there ASAP. Come on, I know you all have the same elevator angst as I do.

So what's the solution? Should there be some ground rules governing elevator wait times? I vote for a 2 second wait time. So if you're in an elevator and you hear some obnoxious GOM counting "one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi," that means your time is up!

Improving the Flying Experience

I have been very neglectful in the blogging department recently due to the fact that I had to travel to Florida. Of course, that meant that I had to experience the horror otherwise known as our domestic aviation industry. Actually, it wasn't really that bad. My flights were on time and I made it through security without being publicly humiliated to an excessive degree. My main objection was to the public menace your basic GOM traveler dreads every time he sets foot in an aircraft - the screaming baby! Fortunately, I wasn't stuck sitting next to one of these heathens but there were two of them pretty close. And these kids were LOUD. I think the best adjective I can use to describe the wailing would be "bloodcurdling".

So my solution to the problem is as follows. There used to be a smoking section on planes. So why can't they have a screaming section that would take the place of the old smoking section? There would need to be a soundproof partition between the screaming section and the rest of the cabin but I would think that would be very feasible from a technologic standpoint. That way, you could confine all sorts of objectionable activities to that part of the plane, including but not limited to diaper changing, breastfeeding, infant burping and regurgitation, food fighting between toddlers, etc, etc. It's an idea whose time has come.

Umbrella Fixation

This didn't really piss me off. I just found it odd today that I observed at least a half dozen people walking around Oakland during lunch hour with their umbrellas unfurled when it wasn't actually raining. I guess their thought process was as follows: You know the weather guy said it was going to rain today so I went through the trouble of bringing my umbrella to work so I'm gonna damn well use it even though it's not raining - so there!

Failed Sting Operation

Last month Borders charged me sales tax on a newspaper purchase. I returned today, armed with documentation from the PA Department of Revenue website expressly stating that newspapers are sales tax exempt. Much to my surprise, they didn't charge me sales tax today. I don't know if I should be pissed off or delighted. I should be pissed off that my sting operation failed miserably. However, I guess I should be happy that they didn't charge me sales tax. Maybe they read my blog post from February 20th and wised up!

Random Annoyances

Some random things that annoyed me today:

1. Neighbor's barking dogs
2. Drivers yakking on cell phones
3. Ridiculous amount of road construction in the Burgh
4. Traffic backups at intersections of Fifth & Craig and Fifth & Neville (left turns should be strictly prohibited at these intersections)
5. Guys with ponytails (not a good look, IMHO)

Helpful Checkout Tips

I've been venting quite a bit lately on the actions of local merchants that piss me off. Today I will take the opportunity to educate my fellow shoppers on their equally annoying habits.

I think the entire country is afflicted by a serious case of checkout line constipation. And I always seem to choose the checkout line that moves the most slowly, but that's another story. Why does the checkout line move so slowly? It's because the morons that are checking out are woefully unprepared for the checkout process. So here are my tips on how to move your ass so as not to further enrage the GOM standing behind you with steam coming out of his ears (that would be me).

1. No conversations with the cashier allowed. I don't care if the cashier happens to be the birth mother you've been searching for for decades - no chit chat allowed.
2. Yes, I am a sexist pig, but this advice mainly applies to the ladies. Please have your method of payment ready to go when you are up for checkout. I mean, I could read War and Peace by the time it takes some of these women to find their cash or credit card. And no wonder it takes so long. They have to find the money in a wallet in a purse in a shoulder bag full of all kinds of other crap - kind of like opening one of those nested babushka dolls. And then it takes the same amount of time to get all the stuff back where it was before, so it's twice the wait time!
3. Why anyone in this world of debit and credit cards would ever write a check in a checkout line is beyond me, but if you have to subject the rest of us in line waiting behind you to this anachronistic practice, here's what you do. Fill out everything in the check except the amount ahead of time - date, payee, and signature. I might have a little less steam coming out of my ears if you comply with this simple request.
4. I think we need some type of credit card user certification process in this country, kind of like getting a driver's license. I amazes me that so many folks cannot seem to master the simple task of sliding a card through a scanner and pushing a few buttons. Maybe it should be part of No Child Left Behind (No Shopper Left Behind?)

That's enough ranting for now. Just be on the lookout for the guy with steam coming out of his ears behind you in line the next time you're checking out.

Most Annoying Award

The Most Annoying Award for unwanted intrusiveness on the part of a sandwich shop goes to (insert drumroll):

Einstein Bagels!!!!!!!!!!!

I must admit I do like their coffee but why do they have to pester you as soon as you walk in the door with a nonhelpful suggestion as to what you might want to order? "Would you like a bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwich today, sir?" or, "would you like a dozen bagels today, sir?" What I really want is for you to leave me alone, let me figure out what the hell I want all by myself, get me my order accurately and expeditiously, and take my money and give me my change without screwing up! I think that's what Albert Einstein would have wanted too.

Payback

Previously, I had mentioned that I thought that the worst crime in the universe was checking out of the express lane at the supermarket with more than the allowable number of items. However, I forgot to mention an even more abominable sin - blocking my driveway! Last night I got home from the theater and this idiot was parked in front of my driveway and blocking about 3 feet of the entrance. I just barely managed to pull into my driveway without scraping any paint but I was really pissed off. I had to plan my revenge against my new arch enemy. So I got a flower pot full of dirt from my garage and dumped it on his roof. Take that, Mr. Silver Subaru Outback!

Helpful Suggestion to Bigheaded People

Saw a great production of "Assassins" last night at the Pittsburgh Playhouse. I didn't particularly care for the Sondheim songs (they're just conversations set to dopy music) but the book was very original and the actors were fantastic.

My only complaint was that I had the misfortune of sitting behind a guy with a big head. Not only did he have a big head, but he insisted on bobbing and weaving his big head throughout the production. As a consequence, I had to keep bobbing and weaving throughout the production as well. I felt like smacking him upside his big head and telling him to keep still. So to all you bigheads out there, I realize that it's not your fault that you have an oversized melonhead, but could you please do the rest of us normal size heads a favor and try to remain stationary when you are seated in a public place?

Some Mid-Atlantic Comparisons

Just spent a lovely week in Washington, DC and Philadelphia. These are large, cosmopolitan, incredibly diverse, exciting, and very expensive cities. It is no wonder that they are so appealing to young people. But I will tell you that there are two features in particular that Pittsburgh has in abundance when compared to DC and Philly - clouds and potholes. There was hardly a cloud in the sky the entire week I was away - then as soon as I got west of Harrisburg I basically kissed the sun good-bye. Also, the lack of potholes in DC and Philly was very disconcerting. I mean, how do drivers in these cities maintain their concentration if they don't have to continuously be on the lookout for craters in the roadways the size of Rhode Island?

Pittsburgh does have a lot going for it compared to cities further east - a lower cost of living, more compact size, interesting topography, and a disproportionate number of professional sports teams and cultural institutions for a city its size. However, its vitality would be greatly enhanced by an infusion of younger people as well as a more ethnically diverse immigrant population.

It Didn't Take Long

I have been out of town on a Mid-Atlantic region vacation for the past week (more observations on my trip later). And as you might have guessed, I got screwed on my very first customer transaction back in the Burgh. I think it must just be the Peterson Events Center, because it is quite clear that the clerks there are totally clueless. This morning they charged me for a medium coffee when I had ordered (and received) a small coffee. It's great to be back!

Some helpful suggestions for our dear merchants

When did checking out at a store turn into the Spanish Inquisition? Today I bought some hardware at Lowe's and they asked for my phone number when I checked out. I took much glee in refusing, as you might have guessed. As I was purchasing my pants at Penney's, the checkout lady cheerfully exclaimed, "And you'll be using your Penney's card, of course!" Even if I had a Penney's card, I wouldn't use it out of spite. Same situation happened at Kohl's.

When I buy something, all I went them to do is to tell me the price. I can figure out how I want to pay for it all by myself, thank you. Don't ask me for my phone number, zip code, favorite color, body mass index, high school GPA, or any other personal information. Don't try to sell me yet another credit card to enourage me to spend more than I can afford. And don't give me those stupid on-line survey coupons that probably waste enough paper to decimate millions of square miles of forest, thereby causing increasing atmospheric CO2 levels, rising global temperatures, and Al Gore's head to explode.

Do Cry For Us, Pennsylvania

Sorry for the title, and my apologies to Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice, but we Pennsylvanians are in for it, now that it looks like our primary may actually be important this year, at least on the Democratic side. It's going to be a world class panderfest for Hillary and Barack. Actually, winning in Western Pennsylvania requires a fairly strightforward strategy. Simply gain the endorsements of Sidney Crosby and Ben Roethlisberger and get Bob Nutting to endorse your opponent

Pants Expedition (continued)

The first stop on my pants expedition was at Kohl's. Now I have to thank Kohl's from the bottom of my heart for making my future pants shopping forays much simpler, in that I will never, ever set foot in one of their stores again. The reason they have earned such antagonism from GOM is due to their PPP (Pants Pricing Policy, for the uninitiated). Most of their pants are priced with the devious "get one, get another for half price" scheme. And if you just buy one pair, you have to pay the original, nondiscounted price! So if I buy two pairs of pants, it costs me $67.50 ($45 discounted price for the first pair and $22.50 for the second pair). But if I only buy one pair, it costs me the original nondiscounted price of $60! This obviously puts the pressure on me to buy 2 pairs of pants, but they don't have 2 pairs of pants in my size that I like. Sometimes they don't even have more than one pair of pants in my size anyway. I mean, this pricing policy may make sense if you're buying soup or toilet paper or some other item that you know you're going to need a lot of, but it makes no sense as a PPP! So to hell with Kohl's - I'll take my pants business elsewhere. It's on to JC Penney's ...

Pants Nightmare

I took an expedition to the North Hills yesterday to buy some pants. It was a truly horrific experience, but on a brighter note, it gave me enough material for my blog to last me several weeks.

First of all, I have to admit that pants shopping has always been a traumatic journey for me. I think it goes back to my childhood, when my Mom would drag me to the department store before school started and we would have to shop in the "Husky" section. I don't think they have a Husky section anymore, so for those of you who are not familiar with the term, it basically means big-assed pants.

Anyway, after I got home with my pants, I had to start the laborious chore of cutting off all of the little plastic thingies that hold the labels on. Whomever invented those things should be waterboarded by W and Dick Cheney. First of all, you can never find the remnants of the plastic thingies when you cut them in half. Some of them fall on the floor, never to be found again until your cat decides to eat them, possibly precipitating a massive digestive upheaval. But the thingies that really bother me are the ones that stay in your pants. I am constantly fearful that they will someday work themselves out of the pants material and insert themselves into some delicate part of my body and cause irreparable harm. It's my own personal pants nightmare.

Busted again

What a way to start the week! I was overcharged 30 cents this morning for my bagel and coffee at the Peterson Events Center. Turns out I got rung up for a grande instead of a tall.

Lately, there has been some turnaround at the Pete behind the counter, which may account for the vexatious nature of my transactions there as of late. Previously, they had a woman behind the counter who was very efficient and knew what she was doing. I must confess, however, that I was developing a level of familiarity with her that was making me somewhat uncomfortable. Not as bad as the Seinfeld "Kiss Hello" episode, mind you, but GOM is not particularly fond about chatting about the weather and other superficial topics on a daily basis with total strangers. So I guess she had to go.

Forget world peace - this is what we really need

Lots of snow in the beautiful Laurel Highlands yesterday. Unfortunately, the ambient temperature was such so that the snow would melt on my windshield and then stick to the wiper blades in the form of ice, thereby rendering the wiper blades pretty much useless. I literally had to stop the car every 10 minutes to scrape the ice off of the wiper blades. So why can't they invent a heated wiper blade to prevent this type of thing from happening?

Blockhead switchboard operators don't listen

How many times has this happened to you? I called the telephone operator at a local facility because I wanted the phone number of their payroll office. I specifically asked for the phone number. At no time did I asked to be connected to the payroll office. I called on two occasions and both times I was immediately transferred to the payroll office phone. Of course, no one answered there so I had to call back to the main operator again. This time I literally had to plead with the operator so I could get the phone number of the payroll office and call it myself, which is what I wanted to do in the first place. My words of wisdom to anyone who answers the telephone for a living: LISTEN TO WHAT THE OTHER PARTY IS SAYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man's Inhumanity To Man

No post yesterday as nothing unusual happened to annoy me. Yes, Marriott screwed up my hotel reservation but I wouldn't characterize that as unusual or unique.

However, this morning I went to the bank before hours to deposit a check. Now you have to picture exactly how this went down. The ATM machine at this bank is inside the main entrance and the main entrance is ordinarily locked. The door is unlocked by sliding your ATM card through a card reader just outside the door. So this is what happened in rapid sequence. I slide my card through the reader and the door unlocks. It usually takes about a half a second between the time I unlock the door and when I actually open the door, but before that half a second elapses, a guy saunters up to the door and walks in and goes right up to the ATM machine! So not only does he get to enter the bank under false pretenses (using my ATM card), he exploits my generosity even further by cutting in front of me at the ATM machine! Ordinarily I might have said something, but the guy was bigger than me and since seeing all those excerpts of that creepy guy in "No Country for Old Men" on the Oscars, I thought it would be better to keep a low profile. You never know when you're going to encounter a psychotic (and impolite) killer at the ATM machine.

Sales tax strikes again

It didn't take long today for GOM (Grumpy Old Man) to get himself embroiled in another sales tax controversy. An otherwise lovely breakfast at the Peterson Events Center was marred by a very puzzling development. A small coffee and a bagel, which I have purchased there probably well over a hundred times, usually costs $2.99. This morning I was charged $3.10, with 11 cents added on for sales tax. After I politely asked to talk to the manager, this as the explanation I received. Ordinarily, students and staff are not charged sales tax at the Events Center. However, since the cashier was new ( a nice grandmotherly type) and did not recognized GOM as a regular there and must have thought that I was just another grumpy old man off the street, she charged me sales tax. However, I pointed out to the manager that the sales tax I was charged amounted to between 3 and 4 percent of the purchase price, which does not correspond to any sales tax rate in our wonderful city, county, and state. At that point, he was just as confused as I was and said he'd look into it (fat chance of that happening). All you merchants out there beware - GOM, the sales tax sleuth, is on your case!

Crime of the century

What follows is a diatribe on what I consider the most heinous crime one can commit - exceeding the posted item limit when checking out of the express lane. I dont know what pisses me off more - the idiots who commit the crime or the supermarkets that don't enforce the posted limit. You would think it would be easy enough to enforce. I'm sure the cash register can keep track of the number of items it scans. If you go over the limit, that's it - you are unceremoniously ejected from the premises. Actually, when I' stuck in line behind one of these jerks, I pass the time by thinking up appropriate punishments for their transgression. My favorite is that when they go over the limit, a trap door opens and they immediately plummet into the bowels of Hell.

However, I must admit that I am a little conflicted about a crucial issue with regard to the express lane. If you buy a dozen bagels, does that count as one item or twelve? There really ought to be clearer guidelines on this before one faces the possibility of plummeting onto the bowels of Hell.

Penguins blow it

The Pens got a little too full of themselves after the 3-0 lead. Too many passes & not enough forechecking afterwards. Plus their goalie outplayed our goalie. Ottawa's too good and too proud to get blown out. Oh well - that's hockey!

Can't anyone make change here?

I was getting a little worried that I would have nothing to complain about today, but the moron cashier at Chipotle Mexican Grill came through for me. The cost of my tasty burrito bowl was $6.26. I gave the guy $10.31. He gives me $4.04 in return. I then point out to him that he owes me another penny, so he cheerfully gives me another penny and slams the cash register closed. I then patiently explain to him that the whole purpose of giving him that penny in the first place was to get rid of my penny and get a nickel in return. So now I have 5 pennies and he can't exchange them for a nickel because by now the cash register is closed. Unbelievable!

Pothole Death Star

I think I know what happened to that satellite the Navy was trying to shoot down. It landed on Dallas Avenue and made the world's biggest pothole.

I saw something this morning that I have never seen before - a police officer actually helping to alleviate a traffic nightmare. You see, the geniuses at Pitt and PennDOT and the city of Pittsburgh have managed to close off all entrances to the upper Pitt campus except for Allequippa St and Robinson St. And traffic is already backed up on Craft Ave because the Boulevard of the Allies is closed. So an officer was actually holding back traffic on Fifth Ave this morning so that Craft Ave traffic could clear out. Now that was a shocker.

No hope for the Burgh, especially when it snows

Mayor Luke was upset about poor snow clearing practices by the Department of Public Works. Sorry, Luke, but this has been going on for generations and there is no hope in sight, especially when one considers the idiotic Letter to the Editor in today's P-G by one Melanie Hall, a foreman for the DPW. Ms. Hall "deeply resents" criticism of her department, probably because she knows they do a crappy job. She claims that she takes her job "very seriously" but provides no data to support her contention that the DPW does an "excellent job of clearing the snow and ice from the city streets." And to add insult to injury, she seems to blame the entire predicament on drivers and, this is great, cyclists, who she claims are a "major hazard to driving in any weather, but especially in bad weather."

Apology

Grumpy old man actually owes an apology to the maintenance people at my usual entrance to my hallowed place of employment. The closure has to do with the outdoor temperature, not snow and ice on the ground. If it gets too cold, too much frigid air gets inside when the entrance doors open and it makes it too chilly inside for patients. So they're going to close the entrance when it's less than 30 degrees outside. However, I won't let the administrators get off the hook, because they could well afford to install a heat-conserving revolving door at that entrance considering the profit margin of the institution.

More Barriers

Now I can't get to my parking lot without negotiating a ridiculous detour. Perhaps my employer is trying to tell me something.

On another note, I think I caught Border's illegally charging me sales tax. What should have been a nice, easy transaction (buying a newspaper) turned into an ordeal. I get to Border's at 9 am sharp this morning to get a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll and a newspaper. First of all, they don't have the newspapers on the shelf at 9 am so I have to wait 5 minutes or so until they're ready. Then I get to the checkout area and it literally takes the clerk another 3 minutes before he can get the barcode scanner to recognize the paper. Then I get charged sales tax! Well, cheapskate sleuth that I am, I check it out on the Internet and it turns out that newspapers are exempt from PA sales tax! I think the tax gets paid on the wholesale level so you're not supposed to pay it on the retail end. That's why you only pay 50 cents at the coin operated racks. So next time I'm going to mount a sting operation at Border's and nail them for illegally charging me 3 cents sales tax.

Barriers

I seem to be having trouble getting to my workplace lately. Yesterday, the revolving door at the Peterson Events Center was locked. Today, one of the entrances at my place of employment (hint - it's a behemoth medical center that can't seem to afford to pay its maintenance workers enough to shovel a sidewalk) was closed off. And this is after we got some snow this morning that you could measure by the actual number of snowflakes that fell. You wouldn't have even needed a shovel to clear the entrance. Just a few puffs of hot air from some of our fearless administrative leaders would have gotten the job done in no time.

Not exactly green

I was under the impression that revolving doors are supposed to conserve energy by minimizing exterior heat loss. Someone should inform the nitwits at the Peterson Events Center, who have locked the revolving door on the upper entrance level today.

It never fails. I can go into a store with practically no customers in it and I'm looking for a single item. Invariably, the one other person in the store wants the exact same item and is blocking my access to said item. Yesterday I had to purchase a fiber product (a reluctant necessity for your basic grumpy old man) and this lady (it's always a lady) is parked in front of the fiber section and it appears as if she's in the process of working on some type of term paper on the subject of fiber products, laxatives, and stool softeners. She's not budging for at least 10 minutes before she's able to make up her mind.

On a happier note, saw the Pgh Ballet with BE Taylor over the weekend and it was great. Imagine, a rock concert for old geezers like myself plus a modern ballet!

Pet peeves

This is what pissed me off this past weekend:

1. My neighbor's barking dog. I'm thinking of kidnapping it like in the Seinfeld episode.
2. Screaming kids at "The Lion King." I thought I had it made when I saw the show on Saturday. No little screamers in the immediate vicinity of my seat. Then, right before showtime, a little boy and his Mom sit right behind me. The little brat can't stop kicking my seat and asking his Mom insightful questions (Why is it dark, Mommy?) non-stop. Last Disney musical I ever attend.
3. This happens all the time. You order something at a fast food place and are asked if you want it "here or to go". Ninety percent of the time they'll either get it wrong or forget how you replied in the first place and have to ask you again.