Need Help With Clever Reply

There is a huge crisis brewing in this country. I'm not talking about the budget deficit, Afghanistan, Jon and Kate breaking up, the Steeler's aging defense, or any other trivial item that you might think is really important. No, I'm talking about Public Enemy #1, the idiot behind the checkout counter who aks you if you would like to buy something else. I first noted this problem at Einstein Bagels back on 3/22/08, but now it's really getting out of hand. At McDonald's, the first thing they ask you, even before you order anything, is whether you would like to get one of their super duper McCafe coffee drinks. Today at Walgreens I had to buy a newspaper and some batteries, and the checkout girl asked me if I would be interested in buying a Reese's Snack Bar! This is insanity! I can actually understand McDonald's pushing their Latte drinks on you because it actually might make sense to get a Cappuccino to go along with your Egg McMuffin, but why the hell would I want a Reese's Snack Bar to go along with my newspaper and batteries at 9 am in the morning? This has to stop before it gets crazy. I can see it now. The next time I check out at WalMart after buying a toothbrush, the checkout person will ask, "would you like a 52 inch plasma TV with your purchase?"

Here's where I need your help. We need some type of standard reply to discourage these questions from being asked in the first place. I am sick and tired of trying to ne nice and responding with a curt, "No, thank you." That just causes my frustration to build up inside me and before you know it, I'll be saying "Serenity now." At the same time I realize that the cashiers are just being told what to say by their supervisors so I don't want to be overtly nasty to them. So if you have any snappy comebacks, now is your chance. I'll be happy to try them out.