Monday, March 31, 2008
Umbrella Fixation
This didn't really piss me off. I just found it odd today that I observed at least a half dozen people walking around Oakland during lunch hour with their umbrellas unfurled when it wasn't actually raining. I guess their thought process was as follows: You know the weather guy said it was going to rain today so I went through the trouble of bringing my umbrella to work so I'm gonna damn well use it even though it's not raining - so there!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Failed Sting Operation
Last month Borders charged me sales tax on a newspaper purchase. I returned today, armed with documentation from the PA Department of Revenue website expressly stating that newspapers are sales tax exempt. Much to my surprise, they didn't charge me sales tax today. I don't know if I should be pissed off or delighted. I should be pissed off that my sting operation failed miserably. However, I guess I should be happy that they didn't charge me sales tax. Maybe they read my blog post from February 20th and wised up!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Random Annoyances
Some random things that annoyed me today:
1. Neighbor's barking dogs
2. Drivers yakking on cell phones
3. Ridiculous amount of road construction in the Burgh
4. Traffic backups at intersections of Fifth & Craig and Fifth & Neville (left turns should be strictly prohibited at these intersections)
5. Guys with ponytails (not a good look, IMHO)
1. Neighbor's barking dogs
2. Drivers yakking on cell phones
3. Ridiculous amount of road construction in the Burgh
4. Traffic backups at intersections of Fifth & Craig and Fifth & Neville (left turns should be strictly prohibited at these intersections)
5. Guys with ponytails (not a good look, IMHO)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Helpful Checkout Tips
I've been venting quite a bit lately on the actions of local merchants that piss me off. Today I will take the opportunity to educate my fellow shoppers on their equally annoying habits.
I think the entire country is afflicted by a serious case of checkout line constipation. And I always seem to choose the checkout line that moves the most slowly, but that's another story. Why does the checkout line move so slowly? It's because the morons that are checking out are woefully unprepared for the checkout process. So here are my tips on how to move your ass so as not to further enrage the GOM standing behind you with steam coming out of his ears (that would be me).
1. No conversations with the cashier allowed. I don't care if the cashier happens to be the birth mother you've been searching for for decades - no chit chat allowed.
2. Yes, I am a sexist pig, but this advice mainly applies to the ladies. Please have your method of payment ready to go when you are up for checkout. I mean, I could read War and Peace by the time it takes some of these women to find their cash or credit card. And no wonder it takes so long. They have to find the money in a wallet in a purse in a shoulder bag full of all kinds of other crap - kind of like opening one of those nested babushka dolls. And then it takes the same amount of time to get all the stuff back where it was before, so it's twice the wait time!
3. Why anyone in this world of debit and credit cards would ever write a check in a checkout line is beyond me, but if you have to subject the rest of us in line waiting behind you to this anachronistic practice, here's what you do. Fill out everything in the check except the amount ahead of time - date, payee, and signature. I might have a little less steam coming out of my ears if you comply with this simple request.
4. I think we need some type of credit card user certification process in this country, kind of like getting a driver's license. I amazes me that so many folks cannot seem to master the simple task of sliding a card through a scanner and pushing a few buttons. Maybe it should be part of No Child Left Behind (No Shopper Left Behind?)
That's enough ranting for now. Just be on the lookout for the guy with steam coming out of his ears behind you in line the next time you're checking out.
I think the entire country is afflicted by a serious case of checkout line constipation. And I always seem to choose the checkout line that moves the most slowly, but that's another story. Why does the checkout line move so slowly? It's because the morons that are checking out are woefully unprepared for the checkout process. So here are my tips on how to move your ass so as not to further enrage the GOM standing behind you with steam coming out of his ears (that would be me).
1. No conversations with the cashier allowed. I don't care if the cashier happens to be the birth mother you've been searching for for decades - no chit chat allowed.
2. Yes, I am a sexist pig, but this advice mainly applies to the ladies. Please have your method of payment ready to go when you are up for checkout. I mean, I could read War and Peace by the time it takes some of these women to find their cash or credit card. And no wonder it takes so long. They have to find the money in a wallet in a purse in a shoulder bag full of all kinds of other crap - kind of like opening one of those nested babushka dolls. And then it takes the same amount of time to get all the stuff back where it was before, so it's twice the wait time!
3. Why anyone in this world of debit and credit cards would ever write a check in a checkout line is beyond me, but if you have to subject the rest of us in line waiting behind you to this anachronistic practice, here's what you do. Fill out everything in the check except the amount ahead of time - date, payee, and signature. I might have a little less steam coming out of my ears if you comply with this simple request.
4. I think we need some type of credit card user certification process in this country, kind of like getting a driver's license. I amazes me that so many folks cannot seem to master the simple task of sliding a card through a scanner and pushing a few buttons. Maybe it should be part of No Child Left Behind (No Shopper Left Behind?)
That's enough ranting for now. Just be on the lookout for the guy with steam coming out of his ears behind you in line the next time you're checking out.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Most Annoying Award
The Most Annoying Award for unwanted intrusiveness on the part of a sandwich shop goes to (insert drumroll):
Einstein Bagels!!!!!!!!!!!
I must admit I do like their coffee but why do they have to pester you as soon as you walk in the door with a nonhelpful suggestion as to what you might want to order? "Would you like a bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwich today, sir?" or, "would you like a dozen bagels today, sir?" What I really want is for you to leave me alone, let me figure out what the hell I want all by myself, get me my order accurately and expeditiously, and take my money and give me my change without screwing up! I think that's what Albert Einstein would have wanted too.
Einstein Bagels!!!!!!!!!!!
I must admit I do like their coffee but why do they have to pester you as soon as you walk in the door with a nonhelpful suggestion as to what you might want to order? "Would you like a bacon, egg and cheese bagel sandwich today, sir?" or, "would you like a dozen bagels today, sir?" What I really want is for you to leave me alone, let me figure out what the hell I want all by myself, get me my order accurately and expeditiously, and take my money and give me my change without screwing up! I think that's what Albert Einstein would have wanted too.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Payback
Previously, I had mentioned that I thought that the worst crime in the universe was checking out of the express lane at the supermarket with more than the allowable number of items. However, I forgot to mention an even more abominable sin - blocking my driveway! Last night I got home from the theater and this idiot was parked in front of my driveway and blocking about 3 feet of the entrance. I just barely managed to pull into my driveway without scraping any paint but I was really pissed off. I had to plan my revenge against my new arch enemy. So I got a flower pot full of dirt from my garage and dumped it on his roof. Take that, Mr. Silver Subaru Outback!
Helpful Suggestion to Bigheaded People
Saw a great production of "Assassins" last night at the Pittsburgh Playhouse. I didn't particularly care for the Sondheim songs (they're just conversations set to dopy music) but the book was very original and the actors were fantastic.
My only complaint was that I had the misfortune of sitting behind a guy with a big head. Not only did he have a big head, but he insisted on bobbing and weaving his big head throughout the production. As a consequence, I had to keep bobbing and weaving throughout the production as well. I felt like smacking him upside his big head and telling him to keep still. So to all you bigheads out there, I realize that it's not your fault that you have an oversized melonhead, but could you please do the rest of us normal size heads a favor and try to remain stationary when you are seated in a public place?
My only complaint was that I had the misfortune of sitting behind a guy with a big head. Not only did he have a big head, but he insisted on bobbing and weaving his big head throughout the production. As a consequence, I had to keep bobbing and weaving throughout the production as well. I felt like smacking him upside his big head and telling him to keep still. So to all you bigheads out there, I realize that it's not your fault that you have an oversized melonhead, but could you please do the rest of us normal size heads a favor and try to remain stationary when you are seated in a public place?
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